I was talking to my cousin about, i dont even know what...and she commented on what she perceived to be my strength in going through recent challenges. As much of a 'collar-poppin' , strong black woman, ride or die, we come from good stock moment as it was...the first thing...the only thing that came to mind was " Great is Thy Faithfulness....oh God my Father....there is no shadow of turning with Thee..." Here's the thing...it sounds corny...in fact, i said as much to my little cuzzo but i'm tellin you...God is faithful. His love...His presence..His patience with me, has brought me...IS BRINGING me to a place that i never really thought i'd see.
If you've ever been in love....the kind of love that makes you watch the object of your affection in his/her sleep, struggling not to wake them with a kiss...if you can imagine the tenderness of a babies hand gently reaching for the connection of her mother,,,the smell of night blooming jasmine unexpected on a moonlit evening...so is the love of my Christ toward me. Tears wouldnt accurately communicate my absolute appreciation of His affections...His love...lifted me.
There have been times...in the last year and half when i literally could not breathe....when the weight of my circumstances threatened to replace every measure of oxygen in my existence with the thick, smokey darkness of despair...when the searching eyes of my sons forced me to fake a smile....that one dreadful day when my game face...was alll i had...and a fever blister was the straw on the back of the camel that carried my emotional stability...that day...i fell....long and hard...i fell...i cried...i cringed....longing to disappear...i fell....i cried...i cringed...i could not...i would not take anymore...i fell, i cried...i cringed...and then...His love....somehow....lifted me.
Sure, at times it was a friend who couldnt stop me from '' going there" but wouldnt let me "STAY THERE" that was His love...other times, it was end number one and end number two miraculously meeting that was His love....more times than i'd care to admit it was the 'buy one, get one free king size kit kat' that showed up as His love....NO, I CANT EXPLAIN IT...and i dont expect it to make sense to you but i'm telling you ....when nothing else could help....love....lifted me.
Listen, i'm only saying all of this to say....there is a relationship to be had....with your Creator....that man can not accurately describe...we can only do the best we can with our finite minds to describe the infinite connection our God created us to have with Him...it's late...and i dont even know if i'm making any sense as this point....but just as if you choose to live and die without human connections and relationships, we do ourselves a disservice to not pursue relationship with the One who purposed us from the beginning...before the foundations of the world were framed.....i'm not preaching...i promise...but if i taste an amazing dessert...my automatic response will be to tell everyone i know...to go try it.....when i went through the drama of high risk pregnancy, my then husband 'yves' was amazing as was the care i received at Keiser...so i told it on the mountain ! That's what we do right? Silver and gold.....aintgotit!!! but what i do have....'...give i unto thee '....There is a balm in Gilead....goodnight.