It isnt often that i actually sit in silence. Kids, work, cell fone, laptop, tv...It's almost as if i've become afraid to be alone with my thoughts.
I often joke that there is a proverbial reader board that is constantly running like subtitles at the bottom of the screen of my life. No matter what i'm doing, no matter what is going on...the reader board runs, reminding me of my next responsibility, driving me to my next location, threatening over missed appointments and opportunities...even taunting me about past present and future failures. No matter what...always the reader board...
In this moment...of silence...i realize that the still, small comforting voice of God is mostly drowned out by the hustle, bustle, and imagined urgencies of my life. The reader board that deprives me of peace ...could not have been installed by a loving Shephard because He leads...He does not drive...or coerce...or pressure...or shame me into action.
In this moment...I am pondering decisions...I am standing at the beginning of a crossroad wondering....the odd thing is that the roads are clearly labeled...one Life...the other...Death....why is it so difficult to choose? There is a way that seems right to me...and God's Word clearly says that way...ends in my demise...so why is it so hard to choose..??? If you are reading this...and thinking that i am a fool...thinking that if it were you, u would know which way to go....just keep on living.
In actuality, i have chosen death over and over...each time i've rebelled..each time i've chosen "who's right" as opposed to "what's right"...i have chosen death...each time i let fear dictate my next move or emotions rule my life...the choice was made...no struggle, no reluctance..." i'll take door number 1"..."i'll take 'pleasure' for 100.00 Bob"..."what is...'i'll do it my way' ? yes, that's my final answer!"...the difference between those times...and now...is that i'm being honest...being real with the decision set before me....and i choose LIFE.